REFLECTION 2009 - Part II - The Testimony

As I was waking up this past Sunday morning, I had one of those 2-second dreams. You know the ones where you fall asleep for 2 seconds and you have a mini-dream. I heard that Abraham Lincoln was giving me something, and then I saw a large old-fashioned antique gold key. That's it. That's my dream.


Abraham Lincoln represents freedom. A key can represent authority. Have I been given authority to administer freedom. As I think about this, I'm so acutely aware of the freedom that has been given to me. I would be remiss if I didn't let my freedom be a testimony to others' freedom.


It's been two years since my last blog. I didn't intend on that much time passing, but it did, and here I am again. If you look at my last blog, about my 2009 sudden illness and hospitalization, you might wonder why I'm revisiting that topic now in 2012. But you see, it wasn't that simple. It wasn't that irrelevant - at least not to me.


What you may not know is that I had been bound in fear for 30 years. Fear of going to a doctor. Fear of flying. I hadn't flown for about 20 years, and had become quite adept at manipulating situations to avoid it. My sweet husband had to endure my fear because it kept us from going places. Other than absolutely necessary doctor visits, like the eye doctor because I needed to be able to see, a tubal ligation prior to our marriage in 1989, a bladder infection or a sinus infection, I had not gone for 30 YEARS. I did not want anyone probing around or in my body, for fear of what they might find. Fear there was something terminally wrong with me. I remember when that hook got stuck in me 30 years earlier, I just don't know how. But I lived with it embedded deep inside, because it was safe that way. I stayed on the ground, not going places because it was safe that way. At least those are the lies I believed.


But on Friday morning, March 27, 2009, things changed. The pain in my abdomen reached a severity that forced me to an emergency room. Over the next few days I was aware several times of the fear I had lived with, as I was put through various medical tests and wheeled into operating rooms. I remember thinking many times, "It is what it is." I will never forget those words. But something was different now. I had no fear! It was replaced with an incredible amount of love and gratitude for those around me. Follow-up doctor visits continued through the spring, and on into the summer and fall I saw my doctor regularly due to having been diagnosed with Type II diabetes.


In October of that year my sister in Illinois was getting married. This was a big event, and I wanted to honor her by attending it. I told Dave I wanted to go. He was naturally in agreement, and plans were made. As the plane lifted off the runway at Sky Harbor in Phoenix, I began to thank God for the freedom, and then out the left side of the airplane, in the sky I saw with my spiritual eyes several cherubic angels with big smiles on their faces, clapping their hands.


Due to our long-time doctor no longer being on our insurance, I had changed to a different primary care doctor during this time. On my first visit to the new doc, he had a student working with him, and asked if I minded if the student did the medical questionnaire piece. When the doctor came back in, he commented on how very thorough the student had been - no doubt God had set me up. The student had inquired as to every test I had or hadn't had in the last... well, 30 years. That was easy - none. That was about to change. Bone density, pap smear, mammogram, heart and carotid ultrasounds, and colonoscopy. I remember when he asked if I would be willing to have a colonoscopy, I had a second to answer 'yes' or 'no'. I chose yes. I chose it because to choose no meant I would give way to fear - and I refused to do that. I refused to crack that door open even just a little. Freedom had become too precious to me. Earlier I had been referred to a podiatrist for an annual diabetes check, and a dermatologist due to hair loss from the illness. She eventually offered to remove skin tags - yes! Chiropractor, who ordered x-rays. I had many of the tests repeated a year later, and again just this month. Three years - three series of WELL CHECKS! Yes, I said well checks.


We have flown to northern California twice, Oregon twice, Texas, Illinois twice, Baltimore, Washington DC, Indiana, and are flying to southern California tomorrow.


So if you hear me reflect back on this date or this event, it's not about being sick. It's about being free! I will never, ever, ever forget it. Never! While writing this, I had to stop several times as tears filled my eyes, and say, "Thank You, Jesus!" For those who have never walked in it, you may not understand; but for those of you who have, or who still do ~ I think you will. Don't give up hope. Freedom is yours just like it's mine.